Gratitude
Gratitude Thank you.
Posts
OMG! It's been three days!
So here's a post. Michael Vick sucks. Jebus said so. Senator Craig doesn't. He said so
Pork Sammich
Unfortunately, Piglet suffer a mild schizophrenic episode during this shoot. Intravenous haycorns were necessary.
A note on my Blogroll
You may have noticed a pattern, or not. It wasn't intentional in the beginning; I just added the blogs I read daily as they occured to me. When I realized how it was shaping up, I decided to just go with it. So I'd add AD or Marko or Jeff but they don't fit the theme right now. And the theme pleases me.
CSM Quickie, Paper Money.
CSM: “I’m sorry sir, but the bank says this $355 check won’t clear at this time.” CAR: “OK, I’ll just pay cash for the baseball cap.” Legend on the cap: “I can’t be broke. I’ve got lots of checks.”
Because I have a blog
and this has bugged the shit out of me for two years. Based on the 'E. Annie Proulx' story about a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years. I haven't seen the movie. It didn't exactly call to me, if you know what I mean. I know I'm just an ignorant Texican and shouldn't be allowed to have opinions on such things... But. Shouldn't cowboys be herding.... Oh crap! What's the word? What's the word? It's right on the tip of my tongue... Uhmmm.... COWS!?! "It's the summer of 1963. Two young men first meet when they find work sheep-herding on Brokeback Mountain..." They were not cowboys they were fucking shepherds ! I understand that to folks who have never seen either animal upclose and personal this may seem to be a distinction without a difference. Allow me to explain. COW Sheep
CSM Quickie, FDR meets Abe
CSM: “I’m sorry ma’am, it seems this roll of dimes you gave the cashier is filled with pennies with a dime on each end.” CAR: “I got it from the bank.” CSM: “You bought a roll of dimes to go shopping?” CAR: “Umm, yeah?” CSM: “OK. Twenty-eight pennies and two dimes, that’s forty-eight cents. Your balance is $4.18.” CAR: “I don’t have any more money.” CSM: Voids sale. “I guess you need to go back to the bank.” CAR: “Yeah.”
Bugs I have known
Inspired by Stingray’s f-bomb inducing encounter with a venomous arthropod, I thought I’d introduce a couple of the six legged residents of South Texas. First up is the Cow Ant or Velvet Ant. It’s really a flightless wasp rather than a true ant but your first reaction on seeing one is, “Holy Shit! Look at that ant!” Imagine an ant 1 to 1½ inches long wearing a fuzzy red and black striped sweater. Now imagine stepping on said critter and seeing it shrug it off like it had been hit with a raindrop. I’ve watched them climb up the side of a building, reach about 30 feet, apparently decide that wasn’t where they wanted to be, fall to concrete below, bounce about a foot in the air, and then amble on. They’re not particularly dangerous; though I’m told the sting hurts like hell. They don’t move very fast and they’re not stealthy; they don’t have to be. Several years ago my office was located by the loading dock which was bordered by a strip of woods. (Woods, in Houston, are defined as any v...
CSM Quickie, Pull my finger.
CAR: “I'll give you $10 for this lamp. The switch is messed up." CSM: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t give you a discount but I’m sure we can find you a lamp that works.” CAR: “Would you pay $20 for this lamp?” CSM: “No ma’am. I’d buy a lamp that wasn’t broken.”
CSM Quickie, No Shit*
CSM: “I’m sorry sir, Black & Decker stopped making this drill in 1985. Since this store didn’t open until 1990, you’ll have to take it back to the store you bought it from.” CAR: “But I didn’t buy it from a Walmart. I thought you people stood behind your products!” CSM: ! speechless *I didn't know when the drill was made but the lifer in the hardware department did.
CSM Quickie, On the other hand
CSM: “So the customer’s total was how much?” Future Ex-Cashier: “Five dollars and fifteen cents.” CSM: “And he gave you how much?” FXC: “Ten dollars” CSM: “And you did what?” FXC: Presses 1 and the double zero key twice CSM: “So you gave the customer ninety-four dollars and eighty-five cents?” FXC: “That’s what the register told me to do!”
CSM Quickie, XXXL
CAR: “But why is it two dollars more for the triple extra large?” CSM: “Uhmmm… because they’re three times as big?”
My Nike All-Courts, circa 1985 1983*
* Upon further reflection: I was over my hacky-sack thang by '85.
CSM Quickie, Dim Bulb
CAR: "I want I refund for these light bulbs. They don't work." CSM: "Sir, this receipt says you bought a four pack of GE 100 watt bulbs. This box is for a Sylvania 40 watt." CAR: "They don't work." CSM: "We don't sell Sylvania." CAR: "They don't work." CSM: "There are only two bulbs in here." CAR: "They don't work." CSM: "A 60 watt and a 75." CAR: "They don't work" CSM: "There's dead bugs stuck to them."
CSM Quickie, Mah Feet Hert
The first installment of what may become a regular feature (or a means of intimidation). The joys of being a Walmart Customer Service Manager . Very Large, mouth-breathing Customer is Always Right(CAR): "I wont my money back on them shews. They hert mah feet." CSM: "I can imagine the do, ma'am. You've worn a hole completely through the sole."
Tam noticed me!
Excessive! Exclamation! Alert! Tam , who not once, but twice, gets tagged by the blogfather (in one day!) has noticed me! Eat your heart out mere mortals. !!!! Excessive! Exclamation! Alert! over.
*An apologia for the smiley face. Edited
Hot on the heels of a defense of restaurant standardization by LabRat and Stingray comes this dissing of Walmart by Tam. I understand, she’s criticizing the indigenous fauna rather than the place itself but the fact remains that dumping on Walmart has become a fashionable pastime. Let me state here, once and for all and without any shame, that I LOVE WALMART! Consider this shopping list from last weekend. Guinea pig chow Timothy Hay (also for guinea pigs) Laundry soap Shampoo Dryer exhaust hose Olive oil (EVOO) Yes, it’s an eclectic list but that’s what I NEEDED and I'd rather not spend my entire Saturday acquiring said items. Now, a local grocery store had laundry soap on sale but they’d rip me a new one on the guinea pig food and shampoo and they don’t stock timothy hay. In addition, my wife has an affinity for a certain brand of laundry soap that ain’t easy to find. I could go to the neighborhood Ace hardware for the dryer hose and be SOL on the rest of the list but that’s wh...
Variations on a theme
Obligatory Disclaimer: No actual Piglets were exposed to harmful influences during the shooting of these photos.
One of my bookcases
This one's in the living room. With all of these irresistible horizontal surfaces, it's a clutter magnet.
AH, Hah!
On this day May 25th 1895 Oscar Wilde sentenced to 2 years hard labor for being a sodomite No ? 1935 Jesse Owens equals or breaks 6 world records in one hour Or maybe. 1953 1st atomic cannon electronically fired, Frenchman Flat NV Better yet. 1961 JFK sets goal of putting a man on Moon before the end of decade But probably this one. 1787 Constitutional convention opens at Philadelphia, George Washington presiding Edit: ths post is in response to a comment by the queen of obscure references. I heart LabRat.
I'm not obsessed. I swear!
The other day, someone threw out an old toilet. I guess it violated weight limits or something, because the trash man didn't pick it up. So there it was just sitting by the curb... ...and I almost pulled over and threw it in the back of the van.
Hey shitheads!
I'd burn my copy of this book. But then, what could I do for an encore? And we send your assbackwards country how much money every year? Aren't you supposed to be an "oppressed" country? Why didn't the brown shirts shoot you down? I guess GWB is falling down on the job.
