Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

Not only did I get a link from Abby today, I got my first internet death threat. All the cool kids have one. SILENCE! I keel you!

Just making my morning rounds of the 'sphere and what do I find? Abby has given me a recommend AND put me on her blogroll! And I haven't dusted in weeks! If you check the archives you'll notice I have two hobbies, cooking and koran abuse. Hmmmmm... How about a little pulled pork for New Years?

I've been registered to vote since I was 18. I've lived in this county for 13 years and at my present address for 7. This is the first time I've been called. On the bright side, I get a free bus ride.

I don't often remember my dreams. But last night's was a humdinger. While taking my kids to the water park and digging through my sister-in-law's cabinets, searching for sage, I realized it was Thanksgiving Day and I didn't have a turkey. I probably would have forgotten this dream as well if I had read no blogs today. Thanks, LabRat. Thanks, Michele. My free Kroger turkey is now happily defrosting. Coming soon... Stuffing Bloging. If it ain't cornbread. It ain't stuffing.

Michael Yon Thanks and Praise: I photographed men and women, both Christians and Muslims, placing a cross atop the St. John’s Church in Baghdad. They had taken the cross from storage and a man washed it before carrying it up to the dome. Chris Muir

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to...

Inspired by this bleg from Michele and some slightly cooler temperatures in South Texas, I decided to cook up a pot and document the process for posterity. The Ingredients Although it's pictured, I wound up not using the tomato paste. The diced tomatoes were on sale 3 for $1. Now I know why. Stick with Ro-Tel. Not pictured: BEER! BTW, this is chili for households still containing small children. I've been working at desensitizing their little palates but we've only made it up to a medium on the picante scale so far. MEAT I suppose you can use regular ground beef for chili. You can also use the pink tubes of mystery to make crab cakes but what's the point? Coarse ground beef for chili was $2.99 per pound whereas this 3lb. chuck roast was on sale for $1.99. Whittle into bite-sized chunks. Over med-high heat (leaning to the "high" side) brown the meat in batches in veg oil. Using olive oil really doesn't accomplish anything here other than using up your ...

Man, things sure got dusty around here. Let's throw open a few windows and let some fresh air in.

This was written for another venue but I'm not one to ignore a gauntlet. How to Make Perfect Pizza (and Why You Really Don’t Want to) When I was 24 years old, I made perfect pizza. Pizza: The Americanized version. If you’re Italian, all that follows will be heresy. I’m talking standardized, reproducible, served on an aluminum pan, sitting around the table with a bunch of friends and a pitcher of beer, watching the game on the big screen, pizza. I other words; I had a pizza joint. My journey to perfect pizza began when I was 17 and landed a job as busboy in a local restaurant. Over the next five years, and several locations, I worked my way up from busboy to cook to dough roller to assistant manager to delivery manager. I made manager at the ripe old age of 21when the company I worked for opened a new store in the little town where I had attended high school. It was the nicest restaurant in town. The position also brought with it certain karmic benefits. The small minded losers who...

Peace to whoever follows guidance. Ditto.

I scored 90% 54 out of 60. Most of what I got wrong were real D'oh! questions. Jamestown, Federalism, the Monroe Doctrine.

My brisket is snug and dry, thank you very much.

Happy Labor Day!

About 60 bucks. Every Labor Day weekend, my favorite book store has a sale. I was able to show some self control this year. I've learned my lesson. I ain't playin' "mine's bigger than yours" with Tam. I'll keep what pride I still have. But I wanted to show off my recent conquests. The Heinlein and Cherryh are mine. (Alas, no Pratchett. They only had a couple of titles and they were from the middle of a series.) The true crime and Mayan history are for momma. DaughterQuatro bought a diary. (The blue book.) She can't write yet but that won't stop her from filling this book with her hieroglyphes. DaughterTres got a book on codes and cyphers. She wants to be a spy. The Horror Tales was DaughterDos' choice. Of course, SonUno had to break ranks and get a Dragonball video. The real find is on the bottom. Shelby Foote. They didn't have the whole series so I just got volume 1.

Gratitude Thank you.

that my camera sucks? Or maybe it's just me.

So here's a post. Michael Vick sucks. Jebus said so. Senator Craig doesn't. He said so

How 'bout them Texans? I shouldn't gloat. The Texans beat the Cowboys in their first game ever. That's pretty much been the high point for these last five years.

If you haven't joined the YouTube Smackdown yet, they're on a mission from God.

Unfortunately, Piglet suffer a mild schizophrenic episode during this shoot. Intravenous haycorns were necessary.

You may have noticed a pattern, or not. It wasn't intentional in the beginning; I just added the blogs I read daily as they occured to me. When I realized how it was shaping up, I decided to just go with it. So I'd add AD or Marko or Jeff but they don't fit the theme right now. And the theme pleases me.

CSM: “I’m sorry sir, but the bank says this $355 check won’t clear at this time.” CAR: “OK, I’ll just pay cash for the baseball cap.” Legend on the cap: “I can’t be broke. I’ve got lots of checks.”

Mine's bigger.

and this has bugged the shit out of me for two years. Based on the 'E. Annie Proulx' story about a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years. I haven't seen the movie. It didn't exactly call to me, if you know what I mean. I know I'm just an ignorant Texican and shouldn't be allowed to have opinions on such things... But. Shouldn't cowboys be herding.... Oh crap! What's the word? What's the word? It's right on the tip of my tongue... Uhmmm.... COWS!?! "It's the summer of 1963. Two young men first meet when they find work sheep-herding on Brokeback Mountain..." They were not cowboys they were fucking shepherds ! I understand that to folks who have never seen either animal upclose and personal this may seem to be a distinction without a difference. Allow me to explain. COW Sheep

CSM: “I’m sorry ma’am, it seems this roll of dimes you gave the cashier is filled with pennies with a dime on each end.” CAR: “I got it from the bank.” CSM: “You bought a roll of dimes to go shopping?” CAR: “Umm, yeah?” CSM: “OK. Twenty-eight pennies and two dimes, that’s forty-eight cents. Your balance is $4.18.” CAR: “I don’t have any more money.” CSM: Voids sale. “I guess you need to go back to the bank.” CAR: “Yeah.”

Inspired by Stingray’s f-bomb inducing encounter with a venomous arthropod, I thought I’d introduce a couple of the six legged residents of South Texas. First up is the Cow Ant or Velvet Ant. It’s really a flightless wasp rather than a true ant but your first reaction on seeing one is, “Holy Shit! Look at that ant!” Imagine an ant 1 to 1½ inches long wearing a fuzzy red and black striped sweater. Now imagine stepping on said critter and seeing it shrug it off like it had been hit with a raindrop. I’ve watched them climb up the side of a building, reach about 30 feet, apparently decide that wasn’t where they wanted to be, fall to concrete below, bounce about a foot in the air, and then amble on. They’re not particularly dangerous; though I’m told the sting hurts like hell. They don’t move very fast and they’re not stealthy; they don’t have to be. Several years ago my office was located by the loading dock which was bordered by a strip of woods. (Woods, in Houston, are defined as any v...

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

CAR: “I'll give you $10 for this lamp. The switch is messed up." CSM: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t give you a discount but I’m sure we can find you a lamp that works.” CAR: “Would you pay $20 for this lamp?” CSM: “No ma’am. I’d buy a lamp that wasn’t broken.”

CSM: “I’m sorry sir, Black & Decker stopped making this drill in 1985. Since this store didn’t open until 1990, you’ll have to take it back to the store you bought it from.” CAR: “But I didn’t buy it from a Walmart. I thought you people stood behind your products!” CSM: ! speechless *I didn't know when the drill was made but the lifer in the hardware department did.

Amen

CSM: “So the customer’s total was how much?” Future Ex-Cashier: “Five dollars and fifteen cents.” CSM: “And he gave you how much?” FXC: “Ten dollars” CSM: “And you did what?” FXC: Presses 1 and the double zero key twice CSM: “So you gave the customer ninety-four dollars and eighty-five cents?” FXC: “That’s what the register told me to do!”

CAR: “But why is it two dollars more for the triple extra large?” CSM: “Uhmmm… because they’re three times as big?”

* Upon further reflection: I was over my hacky-sack thang by '85.